Uncle Jesse: Smashed & Trashed

Have Mercy!

Huey Lewis and Other News

The Great White Way is getting a little hipper. Musician Huey Lewis is the latest "star" to strut his stuff on Broadway in Chicago. Everyone who buys a ticket will need a new drug to make it through the performance. Huey Lewis to Star in 'Chicago' on B'way [Newsday.com]

Pauly Shore is a sex addict. Good luck with that whole thing, Buuuuuuuuuudyyyyy! Pauly Shore A Sex Addict [softpedia.com]

Sienna cheated first, but with "someone" hotter. Take that, Jude! Remainders: Blind Item, Schmind Item [Gawker]

Tom Arnold may be the wisest man in Hollywood. The former Mr. Roseanne told Entertainment Weekly that he warned his next-door neighbors, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, to "be careful." Because no one else in the free world could see the horrific result of this union churning out something horrible. Britney, the Girl Next Door [NY Daily News]

Jessica Simpson Scammer Gets Slammed

Courtney Handel may be the smartest woman in Jersey. The 23-year old woman had amassed more than $12,000 in free merchandise by posing as Jessica Simpson's growth/assistant, CaCee Cobb, before she was caught by authorities this week. Handel managed to score free loot from such companies as PH Advantage cosmetics, Pagliei jewelry, Ted Rossi handbags, Peter Thomas Roth skin care and Fake Bake Tanning Products, all of which can be purchased on eBay for a fraction of their retail price.


Arrest is Made in a Surprising Celebrity Scam [ABC Local]

Look, Jude, No Ring!

Jude's woman scorned, Sienna Miller, is no longer sporting her engagement rock.

Jack Be Nimble

Jack Osbourne is getting hot! The former heavyweight and reality star has lost a ton of weight and embraced a healthy lifestlye—no booze, no drugs, no bread, no sweets.


[Image via JJB]

Willy Wonka and the D-List Celeb Factory

Malcolm in the Marriage

Malcolm in the Middle's Frankie Muniz, 19, is engaged to his girlfriend Jamie. That's what happens when you're home-schooled.



'Malcolm' Star Pops the Question [PittsburghLive.com]

Ashlee Simpson, Rosie O'Donnell Out of Hiding

Hippie Jesus Freak Turns Water Into Wine

Danny Tanner not on hand to combat stains.

Donna Martin Diss

Tori Spelling's hubby Charlie Shanian is the luckiest man in the world. The horse-face lovah has never seen an episode of Beverly Hills 90210. "He had never seen Beverly Hills 90210 before, which I liked because my whole life I would meet people who liked me because they saw me on TV," Spelling said. True dat.

Don't worry, Tori, you can rest assured that your husband doesn't love you for your acting skills. He loves you for your daddy's money.



Spelling Lover Has Never Seen 90210 [contactmusic.com]

The Odd Couple

His muse may be Uma Thurman, but it looks like Quentin Tarantino's new lady is none other than Kevin Federline cast-off, Shar Jackson.

Michael Jackson Back in Court

No, sorry, it’s actually Lil’ Kim. Except she ain’t going home free.




Rapper Lil' Kim gets 366 days in prison [CNN]

Fourth of Ju-LIES

In celebration of this great nation's birthday, we've decided to sing a little song that truly exemplifies the United States that we know and love today. Happy Fourth of July! Hit it!!!!!!!!!


I'm a Yankee Doodle closet-case,


She's my Yankee Doodle beard



Tara Reid came to Hollywood just to show her nipple


I am a Yankee Doodle Boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


GOD (or Ron L. Hubbard) BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!

Bob Saget Is My Homeboy

Finally, a religion for the rest of us who don't want to shell out a few bucks for a Kabbalah string at Target or reach for the next level through the writings of Ron L. Hubbard. Now, you can channel all your spirtuality into the Bob Saget is God Church! This isn't just some cult-like money-making scheme. This is the cult-like money-making scheme. It's pretty clear-cut: Bob is indeed the Lord and Savior.



Bob Saget Is God: The Proof [bobsagetisgod.com]

Breaking: Paris Hilton Is Shallow

Scissor Sisters singer Ana Matronic is furious that Paris Hilton showed up backstage at the Live 8 concert installment in London. Matronic, whose band is huge in London and has seen cult-like following in the U.S., was convinced that Hilton attended Live 8 for her own self-promotion and said, "That woman [Hilton] is representative of everything that's wrong in the world." Sing it sistah!!



Scissor Sister Hits Out at 'Shallow Hilton' [contactmusic.com]

I Challenge You to a Game of Horseshoes

Anna Nicole Smith supported Live 8 backstage at the concert this weekend. She also supports Trimspa, and the Guess clothing line, and Playboy, and the editorial pages of The Enquirer, and marrying older men, and reality television, and anything else that will help her career.

Lohan Eats!

She just doesn't brush.

The Cat Who Swallowed the Canary

Or, in Rick Solomon's case, just swallowed.

Mariah Carey So Crazy

The Emancipation of Mimi continues to rear its ugly head. Word on the street is that Mariah Carey in all her glitter posed with this homeless man in Hollywood this week after dining at Koi. After the photo-op, Mariah left without thanking the man, who didn't agree to be photographed in the first place. Photo-shopped or shamless op?


[Photo: JJB]