Kelly Osbourne as the Joker

Sorry, Kelly, that job's been taken.

She's Not Skinny...Her Head's Just Too Big!

The Real World's a Bitch

MTV is bringing yet another installment of The Real World to the airwaves. This season, seven strangers are picked to live in a house, have their lives taped, and basically ruin any chance of them ever being respected in both their personal and professional lives ever again (Real World/Road Rules Challenge doesn't count). Below, we have roommate #5 (also known as Johanna Botta or future inmate #60170-004). Johanna is a 22-year-old Californian girl who aspires to be a clinical therapist, and realizes that "the combination of her looks and intellect can get her just about anything she wants." Anything, that is, except a "Get Out of Jail Free" card.


[Image via The Smoking Gun]

Hung Like Billy Ray Cyrus

In another sign from the heavens that Billy Ray Cyrus's career is beyond resuscitation, the mullet-weilding musician is teaming up with American Idol's William Hung. Hung is releasing a full-length album, "Miracle: Happy Summer From William Hung," this July. The first single will be "Achy Breaky Heart," the smash hit made famous by Cyrus. Cyrus will also appear in the video for the song.




Hung Covers Achy Breaky Heart [contactmusic.com]

Hot Fun in the Summertime

Looking Through Crap-Colored Glasses

100% Rotton Tee

Another One Bites the Dust

Your worst fears have been realized: Katie Holmes is converting to Scientology. The former Catholic school girl has succumbed to Tom Cruise’s power of “religion.”

Katie Holmes Embracing Scientology [CNN]

Attack of the Giant Hands Float

Anna Nicole: She's So Outrageous

Thin as a Reid

Carson Daly's weight just keeps dropping. He used to be a porker when he dated party toy Tara Reid, but now that he is flying solo he is skin and bones! The shrinking violet now weighs approximately the number of nightly viewers his show, Last Call, pulls in.

Tori Spelling Inspired by Britney

Old Horse Face is at it again. Tori Spelling is taking up yet another profession, and this time it's not as a horrible actress who only got the job because her father is the producer. Tori has been inspired by Britney's Spears' pregnancy and is designing a special charm necklace for K Fed to give to his prego wife. This special bauble will replace the pearl necklace he gave her when he found out Shar Jackson was with child.



Spelling Designs Necklace for Spears [contactmusic.com]

Paris Lastis Sports Jean Shorts

We know that the classiness of Paris Hilton has been questioned in the past...and rightfully so... But someone needs to intervene and help out her fiance ASAP! Paris II was seen wearing jean shorts in LA this weekend.


[Photo: JJB]

Can I Get Fries With That All-Beef Patty

[Photo: Dean's Planet]

J.Lo Celebrates First-Ever Year Anniversary

A year has gone by since Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez joined together in marital bliss. It's the first time J.Lo has made it this far. Congrats, Jen!

Gremlins Unleashed

I Hope It Burns When You Pee

It's official: Jessica Simpson gets around. This morning Bam Margera's ex-fiancee Jennifer Rivell called a Philly radio station and gave all the dirt on Jessica Simpson's humpfest 2005. Rivell is claiming that Simpson humped Bam and Johnny Knoxville and she has proof! Listen here.





Jessica Simpson F*%$*# My Boyfriend! [Perez Hilton]

Doing It and Doing It and Doing It Well

Britney Spears has told People magazine that since she's been preggers the sex has been "crazy good." Maybe it's just because yo baby's daddy got experience with making love to expectant ladies, Brit!



Britney Says Sex When Pregnant Is 'Crazy Good' [NBC 17]

Attack of the D-List Stuffed Crotch

Remember the knife-wielding, jungle-fevah loving bro named Landon from Real World Philadlephia and its brand-extension television venture coined Inferno II? We don't either, but luckily we have his stuffed crotch underwear ad to remember him by. At least he ain't giving it up for free like Alton, Arissa, Steven, Irulan, Frank, Brynn, that crazy slut Trishelle, Willie, Shavonda, Mel, Sarah with the bad-boob job, Bon Jovi, MJ, Karamo, Brad the bug-eyed meathead, Cameran, Frankie, Jacquese, Jamie, Randy, bad-boob job Robin, Danny, David, Julie, Matt, Kelley, Melissa, Steven, Irene, Nathan, David, Janet, Lindsay, Rebecca, Ruthie, horny/pathetic/fat Amaya and ANYONE ELSE THAT IS TOO PATHETIC TO GET A JOB AND LIVE A NORMAL LIVE.

Crashes, Cries and Chows

And no doubt blows chunks shortly thereafter.

L-o-l-a lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola

Denise Richards has given birth to a baby girl named Lola. Charlie Sheen was on hand for the delivery. No word if any prostitutes also attended.



Denise Richards Gives Birth to Girl [Baltimore Sun]

Tom Cruise: Career Counselor

Tom Cruise is expanding his control over girlfriend Katie Holmes. Holmes had recently been in talks to take on the much-coveted role of Edie Sedgwick in Factory Girl, but Cruise advised her to turn it down because of Sedgwick’s use of psychotropic drugs (a big Scientology no-no). Tom Cruise is the keeper of infinite wisdom, especially if it puts dollars in his pocket and a beautiful woman on his arm to keep the box-office goers convinced that he is not a homosexual. Too bad he didn’t have the same wisdom bestowed upon him in his early career…let’s take a look at some of Tom’s professional choices:

• Does Scientology say it’s OK to lose your virginity to a prostitute and then turn your parents' home into a whorehouse like Cruise’s character, Joel Goodsen, did in Risky Business?
  
• What is Scientology’s stand on being a hustler like the character Cruise played in The Color of Money?
  
• Doesn’t Scientology condemn high-octane vampire attacks like Cruise bestowed in Interview With the Vampire?
  
• And, Tom, would your religion say it was prudent to go on a hedonistic binge of sexual encounters like you did in Eyes Wide Shut?

Tom, the rules and teachings of Scientology are so blurred. One minute you tell us to divorce our spouse of ten years and introduce our two children to legions of the women you love, and the next minute you turn around and tell us to not rely on prescription drugs. Your wisdom tells one not to take on jobs that defy religious teachings, but yet you will slut yourself out for any role to make a buck and stay in the limelight. What is truth and what is fiction? We beg of you to clarify.



Cruise Control [Page Six]

Jennifer Love(s) Hoses

Jennifer Love Hewitt's career may have gone down the tube, but she can still fill up her car with some class and sass!


[Photo: JJB]

Pauly Shore: The Campus Tour

The Wiezel has gone back to school. Pauly Shore hit the comedy circuit at the University of Cincinnati at the end of May. Not surprisingly, his routine involved making pokes at his own gone-to-shit career.



Pauly Shore Headlines MainStreet Celebration [The News Record]

A Diamond in the Rough

We know, we know, Lindsay Lohan has had a crap week. First, her father was sentenced to prison, then the paparazzi did a number on her car. And, she had to face it all with a bad dye job and no silicone air bags! To round out her week of discontent, we've decided to do a little "separated-at- birth" number to let Linz know how much we care...



Yep, that's David Lee Roth (aka Diamond Dave) on the right. The guy may still have a rocky relationship with the Van Halen brothers, but his style is always smooth.

Back It Up, Back It In

Nick Carter and the Backstreet Boys are totally back. The newly reunited boy band's tour bus ran over a 19-year-old fan as the group exited the Dusseldorf Airport in Berlin. The fan suffered from a fractured leg but Carter "promises to make it up to her."



Backstreet Boys Run Over Fan [Digital Spy]